annyeong,

i'm so drained out.
work work work, hee.
but enjoying it.

but i'm tired.
i don't know what to feel anymore.
twin once told me "distance makes the heart fonder"
but no leh,
to me,
"distance kills the heart"

i thought i'd miss terribly,
but no leh,
surprisingly,
emotions fade.
the memories still stay very vividly within me,
but the emotions are all gone.

weird.
why like that?

i was so tired emotionally,
over myself & God.
i missed God terribly...

darns.

annyeonghasaeyo,

the moulding process is darn difficult.
there's the breaking, moulding & filling.

i know that i must go through all these.
but knowing & having the go through is a different case all together.

last night was the worse.
i had to go through the breaking process.
and it hurts darn bad.

i know i have to, but i don't want it.
i insist on having my way.
fighting with God.
rebelling against God.
it took alot of time, tears & heartache for me to calm down.

i felt like a hypocrite.
teaching & doing different things.
inferiority creeps in.
"am i qualifed, God? to serve You when i'm not doing what You teach?"

i bow down to guilt.
that i am not what i preach to be.
then a powerful quote came to me:
God doesn't qualify the educated, He educates the qualified.

God will educate me.
He uses whoever He wants to use.
& He will.

it's a painful lesson.
really.

but i needed it.
for God to teach me obedience.
for God to teach me wisdom.

cheers.