I'm sitting in the bus.
On the way to collect a Panasonic voucher.
I start crying.
I think about how meaningless my life feels.
What am I living day by day doing?
What is my life worth in this world?
What am I doing to contribute to God's Kingdom?

I find no joy in my work life.
It drains the life out of me.
I love my husband.
I also think of how I add value to his life.
Am I doing anything to be of importance to him?
Am I being a "helper"?
I honestly don't know.
I sometimes feel that I am more of a burden to him.

I feel lonely.
I don't know how to express how I feel.

The last time I felt like I did something fulfilling was my time in HaNoi.
I guess this is how Adrian feels.

But I will be strong.
I need to be strong.
For my family, for my husband, for myself.
I don't want to show my unhappiness & end up being a burden to him.

I will be the best "helper".
I will wise up.

God, I need Your strength & Your encouragement to show me the light.
Amen.

annyeonghasaeyo!

my heart is confused.
why do you say you're okay when you're obviously not?
how do you expect me to not care?
i've been thinking about the whole situation ever since last night,
but you're still keeping mum about it.

& i think like you,
i've fallen too.
but i know that we can't, but yet i can't help it.
urgh.
frustrating.

annyeonghasaeyo,

no one knows i'm here.
i hope no one does.

it's been too long.
wayy too long.
& too much has happened.
wayy too much.

oh wells,
too many things to say makes me not want to say it.

goodbye world.

annyeonghasaeyo,

wow. left this blog stagnant for such a long time.
really loads of things happened.

so little time, so much to do.

work has been GOOD.
we passed the audit-tion.
nice.
boss took us out for a meal at ichiban sushi!

met up with ahrong recently.
nice.
shared alot of our hearts out.

i want to be a part-time lover.
so much easier, having only to commit part-time.
wouldn't it be nice?

dreaming about zac efron, nate archibald, "chuck bass" & a little gaspard ulliel these days.
why ah?
no clue either.

life has been confusing me lately.
i don't know my position anymore.
i don't know what i should do.
kept on making promises that i never keep.
kep on saying "i'll do it" but never.
don't i love you anymore?

sad to sad,
i don't know.

crap.

annyeong,

i'm so drained out.
work work work, hee.
but enjoying it.

but i'm tired.
i don't know what to feel anymore.
twin once told me "distance makes the heart fonder"
but no leh,
to me,
"distance kills the heart"

i thought i'd miss terribly,
but no leh,
surprisingly,
emotions fade.
the memories still stay very vividly within me,
but the emotions are all gone.

weird.
why like that?

i was so tired emotionally,
over myself & God.
i missed God terribly...

darns.