annyeonghasaeyo!

my heart is confused.
why do you say you're okay when you're obviously not?
how do you expect me to not care?
i've been thinking about the whole situation ever since last night,
but you're still keeping mum about it.

& i think like you,
i've fallen too.
but i know that we can't, but yet i can't help it.
urgh.
frustrating.

annyeonghasaeyo,

no one knows i'm here.
i hope no one does.

it's been too long.
wayy too long.
& too much has happened.
wayy too much.

oh wells,
too many things to say makes me not want to say it.

goodbye world.

annyeonghasaeyo,

wow. left this blog stagnant for such a long time.
really loads of things happened.

so little time, so much to do.

work has been GOOD.
we passed the audit-tion.
nice.
boss took us out for a meal at ichiban sushi!

met up with ahrong recently.
nice.
shared alot of our hearts out.

i want to be a part-time lover.
so much easier, having only to commit part-time.
wouldn't it be nice?

dreaming about zac efron, nate archibald, "chuck bass" & a little gaspard ulliel these days.
why ah?
no clue either.

life has been confusing me lately.
i don't know my position anymore.
i don't know what i should do.
kept on making promises that i never keep.
kep on saying "i'll do it" but never.
don't i love you anymore?

sad to sad,
i don't know.

crap.

annyeong,

i'm so drained out.
work work work, hee.
but enjoying it.

but i'm tired.
i don't know what to feel anymore.
twin once told me "distance makes the heart fonder"
but no leh,
to me,
"distance kills the heart"

i thought i'd miss terribly,
but no leh,
surprisingly,
emotions fade.
the memories still stay very vividly within me,
but the emotions are all gone.

weird.
why like that?

i was so tired emotionally,
over myself & God.
i missed God terribly...

darns.

annyeonghasaeyo,

the moulding process is darn difficult.
there's the breaking, moulding & filling.

i know that i must go through all these.
but knowing & having the go through is a different case all together.

last night was the worse.
i had to go through the breaking process.
and it hurts darn bad.

i know i have to, but i don't want it.
i insist on having my way.
fighting with God.
rebelling against God.
it took alot of time, tears & heartache for me to calm down.

i felt like a hypocrite.
teaching & doing different things.
inferiority creeps in.
"am i qualifed, God? to serve You when i'm not doing what You teach?"

i bow down to guilt.
that i am not what i preach to be.
then a powerful quote came to me:
God doesn't qualify the educated, He educates the qualified.

God will educate me.
He uses whoever He wants to use.
& He will.

it's a painful lesson.
really.

but i needed it.
for God to teach me obedience.
for God to teach me wisdom.

cheers.